namunger (8/28/2011)Blatant disregard of
Rule #17:P
Having read the disweighted and badly emphasised contents of this link I feel bound for Grammatically oriented defence. :P:D;)
Important:See this because here are the contents in question with my OWN corrections as an Author.
It Says...
1. Use one word for many:
a. Know definitions:
The letter was written by someone who had not signed his or her name.
The letter was anonymous. WRONG:a. Is incorrect because the first announcement makes reference to a single person. The second "correction" implies that it COULD have been written by an organisation or, indeed, no one at all but rather an automated device.
b. Use front modifiers:
He requested a trial by a jury of his peers.
He requested a jury trial. WRONG:The initial "corrected" statement clearly states that he wishes judgement by SUPERIOR people to himself.
The "corrected" statement simply misses this point and implies it could be a jury of tramps, delinquents and animals.
c. Avoid overlapping subordinate constructions:
A watch is an intricate instrument to measure time, which many people consider the gift that is the most valuable of all.
A watch measures time, which many consider the most valuable gift. WRONG:The "Correction" misses the point that the watch PRECISELY measures time, unlike an egg timer which is a rough approximation, and the "corrected" value reference misses that people consider it the most valuable of EVERYTHING there is, rather than potentially what it was amongst.
d. Avoid tautology:
He referred to basic and fundamental principles of physics.
He referred to basic principles of physics. WRONG:The "corrected" statement misses totally that, even though a physics crisis takes place at the perimeter of light speed in an orbiting state around a black hole at the event horizon, this is fundamental to light speed but by no means is it a basic principle. It relies on a whole multitude of other factors. Mass speed for one. Referential awareness for another.
e. Avoid empty subjects:
It is truth which will prevail, he argued.
Truth will prevail, he argued.
WRONG:In this the "Corrected" statement misses completely that the arguer makes reference to "The Truth" and that by not singularly stating Truth as a whole, he makes reference to it comparatively and that the one element of many, The Truth, will prevail.
f. Don't overdo it:
At each end of the sunken garden, worn marble steps, flanked by large oak trees, lead to the burial ground.
The garden has steps at both ends. WRONG Terribly.The "Corrected statement kills the knowledge that, the steps are ancient; that they are well used because marble is solid but these are worn down, that, also, the steps lead in a circle because at BOTH ends of the garden the steps lead to the same place in a loop. Marble also has classd, wealth and beauty associated. Oak trees depict a beautiful avenue.
The mystery is, why is there a garden in the middle of the Burial ground at all, and that has steps that loop to the same destination?
2. Use the active voice:
The ship was overloaded by the stevedores.
Stevedores overloaded the ship. WRONG:Already it defies understanding in its own right.
Stevedores= A firm or individual engaged in the loading or unloading of a vessel.
Was the ship overloaded by many firms and so therefore many cargoes? Or many individuals of one Firm and so therefore a single company.
IN ANIMATION:If you clip and cut information; "precis" the data, you'll end up with semi-muted actors and a ten minute full length feature film.
Sometimes embellishments are more depictional than you realise.
;)