Data Juggler (9/14/2018)
Since I didn't bother this forum with my question, I thought I would bother you with my solution.
That was very funny.
About the distoring props, the answer it a bit technical, but it's sort of like you are rotating one box inside another box, and it streches and skews to fit the outer box. (It gets into fun math like "Matrix Transformations" - nothing to do with "The Matrix" nor "Transformers.") Some people have used that effect to make complex-looking props by distoring cyinders and cubes and stuff without having to go to another modeling application. One guy especially, I think, just enjoyed the challenge of it.