Hi all. I hope you enjoy this offering.

Any constructive comments are welcome

https://youtu.be/JkwLoL7VTTY

Dick Cowen

Hi DickyJim,

I think a good many people who would be normally be viewing the forums may be on holiday now - otherwise I don't think I'd be the first to comment.

It's a massive piece of work to have made and the ending shows that the story will continue. Looking forward to that.

Visually I like your film. The animations go well, the scenes are well-made and I particularly like the TV screen in the background showing lots of other things going on.

I like the musical interludes as a bridge between narrative and action scenes.

The story is interesting but it took me a while to be intrigued. Somehow it didn't grab me straight away. Perhaps it was the pace: The whole opening took almost two minutes and, apart from some scrolling introductory text, the story hadn't begun. The lovely starfield image reappeared later in the film perhaps a little too often.

The chosen form of a narrator telling the tale is interesting and as valid as any other. I got the impression that he was narrating a tale that might have begun life as a short story? One downside (in my opinion) is that the narrator is seen alive and well in comfortable surroundings. As a viewer this tells me that everything will end well and the characters will be safe - which dilutes the drama a little.

I've never yet managed to create a film of my own. I'm only a viewer with no production skills or experience (and no qualifications to be a critic) but I hope my comments may be helpful.

Congratulations on what you've done.

Hi,

great job: really a huge effort to do it.
Now, with the premise that the animation and cameras are quite smooth and well done, and because you asked for comments (I believe to further improve an amazing job), here is what I would suggest:

1. the initial image of the space: it is a bit 2D... I would suggest to try to give it some kind of deepness, maybe using it in a "dome"
2. the lights: a bit too flat... moreover in some scenes the characters have no shadows
3. the voice: it is a bit too flat... maybe some more inflection would be better
4. the music: not too much sci-fi music style (but that may be a personal taste...)
5. some kind of post production for the final color touch: the color are a bit too "flat"

Out of this, again, great job!

Cheers

Roberto


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so very smooth motions and story .

Pretty impressive for a first @DickyJim. That's a big project. Music, SFX, and
a lengthy script which sounds great. Quite an array of decent looking characters
too.

The story was great (and there's more). It was a bit hard to hold an interest
for the continuous narration and nice soft voice, and it was really uniform
throughout--no ups and downs, climaxing scenes or expectations (except the
very end of course). I think it would work better if there was some character
dialog in the scenes between the narration and more moods.

I think the characters need more motion also. They pretty much just walk and
look around. And there's a lotta foot sliding and even some 'stand sliding'. A
little refinement and patience would fix that though.

I dig the beer bottles sitting on billion dollar electronic space gear. Just one
spill and it's a one way trip! (Though I think it may be already)

The ending seemed abrupt. It felt like the narration just ended halfway
through a sentence. I like the idea of how he says something like "...what
kinda creatures they are..." to end it and leave you with "hanger". I think
it could be paced a lot better.

I'm surprised at the lack or Particles use and Sound FX and such. You could
have utilized more visual graphics available with iClone but it's not a bad
thing. It means the story is strong enough to carry it's own, and visuals
are a preference.

Did you run it through a post pro editor? It looks straight outta iClone. That's
another thing that could help. It can pull everything into perspective. (And
helps hide any bleed through or seams )

Overall it was very awesome work. I enjoyed it and look forward to the rest.
I hate to say anything that may sound negative. That's not my intention. Some
things are over and beyond.

Good luck with future endeavors. You have a really great start at it. It will be
interesting seeing you progress and ONLY get better.

- Mo' Millis  

Official Mo' Millis | Music & Animation

American rock musician and award winning songwriter.
3D photorealistic album art, posters, and tee shirt prints for independent artists.
Founder and composer of Scene Music. Certified animation content DEVeloper.

A super ambitious project. I guess I would have bit off just a little less but that's just me. Very nice overall "look"...but I pretty much agree with the comments that have been made so far. It got a bit tedious for me about half way through....


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My first attempt was only about 9 minutes and it was a ton of work. I can't imagine having done a 24 minute video. You are to be commended on the effort you've put forth here. I would agree with Momillis on the critique. (Nice job Mo an honest and thoughtful appraisal is the most helpful)

Maybe shorten the length of your next project a bit. It'll be easier to keep your story flowing smoothly over a shorter time span. You'll get better with motions the more you do them, and don't be afraid to work with facial expressions. They'll come easier to you the more you work with them as well.

Good job and keep at it.




http://www.youtube.com/user/peterblood50?feature=mhee

Thanks for your comments. They are helpful.
Much of which my daughter has already said!!!!

I set out to produce something without the usual high drama, blast em up, every thing out there is out to get us, type of thing usual to the genre!!! Part two will have to follow the same format (as it is part two!!) but I will take all your comments into consideration.

Thanks.

Dick C.

It attempts to convert these 24 minutes to 6 minutes, don't be afraid to cut scenes, it becomes very heavy with so many planes without movement

Are you suggesting I cut out the links between the narrator and action (albeit slow) scenes? That will cut the time down a bit.