Don,
First off, that was really, really good for a first time CTA project.
Great scenes, props, and characters. Good story line, shots and scenes too. Excellent clip.
I loved the way the office transposes into a beach.
I know when you are under a deadline and with little sleep you miss things or let things go just to get it done. Happens to all of us.
I went through your clip and here are some things I came across for some constructive feedback:
Girls hand is going through the snack bag at several points in the beginning when she walks in.
The Girls arm joint masks/layering are not correct, arms look bent in an awkward manner.
@ 0:00:18/29 The mothers head turn is too short (3 frames) so it seems like a quick head jerk to her right and then back.
@ 0:00:20/16 The mother has her hands at her side but in the next frame they are up to her shoulders. This causes the jump seen there. The arms should have been brought up to that position rather than just jumping there. Similar problem @ 0:00:21/28 where her hands, arms, and body jump from one position to another in one frame.
In that same scene there is a gap between the door and the frame which was a little distracting.
@ 0:00:25/01 the head turn here is too fast also. Not sure why you had her turn the back of her head to the camera there. Could probably do without that head turn.
@ 0:00:30/18 When the girl walks off to the right she is partially blocked by the computer screen. Should have reframed it so that her face was not blocked. That or made the screen invisible for that shot.
Speaking of the computer screen, you should have had some image on the screen of a desktop with a document open or something.
When you do the close up of the left behind snack bag on the chair, it is moving. I'm not sure if that was intentional but probably was not.
Adjust/add keys for that prop to stop it from moving.
After the father picks up the snack bag @ 0:00:48/05 the bag changes size a couple of times. It also rotates some without the hand moving along with it which looks a little strange.
@ 0:00:48/09 The fathers legs slide together which looks unnatural. If he was Michael Jackson then he could do that. You should have one foot in place and bring the other foot to the fixed one.
SUGGESTION: When the snack pavilion pops up, a sign on the roof with the brand name/logo on it would have been good attention getting for the brand name. Something like this:
When the mother and daughter walk into the beach office, the mother has her eyes closed. They probably should have been open wide in surprise. There looks to have been a blink shortly after she opened them where the blink occurred to soon after opening her eyes and was too slow a blink. The slow blink and too often blinks also keeping occurring as the mother walks across the towards the palm trees. She seems to have here eyes closed more than open during that scene.
SUGGESTION: One thought was to have the mother and daughter also pop into beach outfits as they walked towards the palm trees, similar to the father popping into beach wear. That or in the next scene have the daughter pop into a beach outfit next to the father.
As the father is showing the bag @ 0:00:58/21, as he lowers, and raises, his hand, the bag does a 180 turn then snaps back to 0. That should not happen. The bag is also covering his face. He should hold it out to the side some so as not to cover his face.
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A lot of what I pointed out were minor issues. The only glaring issues were the points where things were a little jerky with the mother's head turns and body jumps and the bag in the fathers hand jumping/turning.
I'm sure that after you get some sleep and look over your clip again you will see other things that could be improved.
Again, job well done! I look forward to seeing more clips from you.
Jeff
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Edited
10 Years Ago by
jlittle